You

The absolute best part about you, is your inner voice. This voice is your fire. It keeps you warm and it keeps you sane. You talk to yourself about life, about anything and everything that needs narrative. The world doesn’t hear your inner voice… they see it. Imagine that, our behaviors communicate to others. What a Greene concept?

The point is… is that we all have one. We all internalize this voice that talks to us, interprets others, and if we don’t listen to it we could find ourselves on the other side of happy. Each one of us individual humans have this deep rooted personality that drives our desire for almost everything. It can be a good thing.

It can be a bad thing. For me, I don’t always keep my inner voice quiet through behavior. I also feel like some people connect with their inner voice, accept a thought and execute a sentence. Where as for myself, I just talk without necessarily thinking.

An article from Chopra explains our fire well. Read and see for yourself why lighting it is so powerful and what you can do to channel it.

https://chopra.com/articles/why-you-should-listen-to-your-inner-voice

Remote

You’re all thinking I’m crazy. Remote? What in the world could she possibly write about that’s lengthy, interesting, and has to do with a remote?

Picture this, my husband is sitting on the couch, baby in arms asleep for the last 45 min. Clint’s about to get up to go lay in bed with him and to my surprise a BOMBER PLANE FALLS OUT OF THE CEILING ATTACKING THE ROOM AT ALL ANGLES. There’s no where to hide! There’s no way to fight back! Endurance…. that’s all. As I came too, I realized by golly that’s no BOMBER PLANE!???!!! That’s Clint. I swear I know they look different but if you would have heard him in that moment! I mean… so similar I started looking for roofing quotes after the mini-remote war.

See, Clint was about to leave the room, and an anxious thought (I hate hate HATE you anxiety- with all my heart) that popped into his mind was that all of the remotes should be accounted for before he leaves the room.

…….that’s exactly what I thought.

WHAT! WHAT!….. huh? Your wife is watching TV with the oldest boys, and not once thought about the remotes? well until we were attacked of course. He stood in front of the TV as if he were blocking our happiness…. the same feeling he was being blocked from with a remote missing. Like war, disaster and misplacement is everywhere. It’s like having a billion toddlers running around messing everything up. Which is exactly what happened.

Please- no history lesson, it was for comical relief only. I know the war is more serious than two year olds roaming around picking things up and putting them down.

Anyway, everyone was frantically looking everywhere, besides me of course because I like endurance. I THRIVE on it. And I know DAMN WELL my husband is in there somewhere! I don’t like conversing with his anxiety so… I did just that. I sat there. Did I say that every idea I have is the best idea? No I did not… Just sitting there made him so mad, he decided to try to take all of the remotes and bring them upstairs with him! DONT WORRY!!!!! I got one (the new dvd remote) out of his hands just in time to have it drop and break the back cover.

Oops.

Now, we are not violent people, never once has this ever happened. But on that patriotic day, it did.

That’s when I realized… we need back up remotes.

Jessica

ADHD & hot water…

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I have ADD. I like doing dishes. Personally dishes help me relax. I can do the dishes and think at the same time. I have a lot to think about. I get no where… but thinking relieves the pressure. I guess you could say as soon as my hands hit the suds, my thoughts become pictures. As they jump from one area of the brain to another, they eventually leak out of my ears until the space between (hi Dave..) is more manageable. I guess the biggest positive is it helps my husband. WHAT? “helps” him? Yes… you modern woman you. He does the laundry, dishes, cleaning, vacuuming… just not bathrooms.

Wow Jess, you lucky cat you! Maybe, but then this blog wouldn’t exist. He does all of that because it decreases his anxiety. He doesn’t know it, but… it does. I’m somewhat of an empath (not getting into it right now, but I can feel what others feel as their feeling it), so as he gets anxious I feel it. One crumb on the carpet and all the water in his head starts to boil. So yes, I help him. I wish I could handle it all on my own. I mean, I can but then I’d have to give up everything else in my life. What my soul likes… is priority and what the rest of the world wants me to do to accompany the norm sits on the back burner.

One time in 7th grade this girl said she liked my barrette. I took it out. Crazy? Maybe… but I remember it to this day and taking that barrette out meant that I didn’t need others to like anything about me to be valued. It was more for myself, other than being “rebellious”. I also never told anyone. Maybe once I can remember. I usually don’t have actions with double meanings. Except changing the world. That I can actually see myself doing while waving at Ellen, as she runs over to me at my international world seminar to introduce herself and say “what a pleasure”. No, no Ellen… the pleasure is all mine, “be kind you sexy thang you”. Man she’s so sexy….

My husband HATES the fact that I have no executive functioning skills so when I do the dishes, he appreciates it. He doesn’t say it, but I know the hot water in his head cools down a couple of degrees. Ok, so maybe some of my actions do have double meanings but hey, not the point.

Jess

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(The above photo is a real picture of my sink) yes… I forgot the water was running and no… this picture was an afterthought. How most my life works to be honest. Oh and yes.. that’s slime to the left because slime is life. (if you are reading this as the sole creator of the slime epidemic, I would like to say, as I’m sure all parents would… WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!)

The Journey Begins

(I don’t get to the point)

It was the year 2003. My husband saw me walking the halls of our overly bricked and outdated high school. I was in a heated relationship since 9th grade…(a year prior) so I was clueless to his existence. But apparently our lockers were close and we shared the same homeroom. To be quite honest, until I became the CEO of my ADD I probably was clueless to many things. Or he was a creeper? Anyway, he met me in 2003 without my knowledge.

Fast forward 5 “painful” (physical and distressed) years to 2008. I got extremely sick of hurting and hiding it that I ended it. A month or two later… I get the word that my husband has liked me ever since high school and that he thought I was the prettiest girl in it. (Insert “meh” emoji). I started to believe the putdowns the last 6 years so, it was hard for me to believe him. But I was a newly released bird ready to fly (honestly into college and surround myself with marijuana, alcohol, and sex) but for the beginning we’ll just say FREEDOM! I Didn’t care if he thought I was the second or the third prettiest, who cares! I’m free and I’m ready. I wasn’t ready. I talked with him into the early morning laughing and having the time of my life that summer. But I was heading onto college and well… he didn’t trust college so we never started anything. I already told you about the college life so fast forward to 2012.

By now I dropped out (•cough* suspended for below GPA required grades) of college, had CHILDREN (plural) and in yet another painful relationship. Not too painful this time around but enough to where at the age of one, I became a single mom. It also couldn’t have been that painful because after reconnecting with my now husband for 3 great months, I stopped talking to him cold turkey and got back with their dad for (I’d say a day… not even). I went to bed that night and I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life. His names Clint. Not the dad… but the guy who had a crush on me since 9th grade, who watched me walk down the halls, and tried to check my relationship status from time to time. Pre-Facebook era. Who I just ghosted (young term) out if nowhere. No warning… just disappeared? He moved on, I didn’t. Maybe one or two here and there? But I had enough sex in college that the next 3 years were all about me and my boys.

Let’s move on to 2015. A good year… Clint broke up with his current lady friend, I knew it, and I did whatever I could to get his attention. I would wake up thinking about him and go to bed thinking about him. But because in his mind I was this ghost, it never got anywhere. He’d get drunk and tell me I’d be an amazing wife, I’m so beautiful, he wishes he could have me… to shy, reserved, sober…and barely talking the next day. This lasted a year. On October of 2015 we finally met up and had a 3 hour date that to us, felt like 5 minutes. A month later he came over, and said “so we gonna do this”? Now we’re married, he adopted the twins and we had another boy. Not at all in that order but it sounds better to a conservative reader.

So… this would be an AMAZING fairytale if it were all true. I mean, it is… except for that heartfelt feeling you got right at the end there like, if for the first time you were reading a real life “happy ever after”. Unfortunately I was introduced to my ADHD/ADD? early 2015. I didn’t hide it.. I educated him on it… but as time went on it got worse and worse. We are happy together… but the ADD is “THE” argument and we can’t escape it.

“The world couldn’t be any weirder if it tried” – Jessica Duzeski